I haven't posted here in a while, idk aha. I was going to upload a recent picture but it's not working, so whatever. I'm fairly miserable at the moment and sometimes I feel like the only reason I haven't killed myself is because if I did nobody would feed my cat.
I'm reading the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles at the moment, and I swear books have too much of an effect on my life or something.
A few weeks ago I was out with Jordan and Ash, we were all very drunk and I became hysterical, I don't remember specifics but I'm fairly sure I thought they were vampires, I got angry that they wouldn't make me a vampire, or convinced that they (or someone else) was going to very soon. Then I got miserable because if I was a vampire I'd watch everyone I love die, so I got into the Thames. It wasn't even anything dramatic, I didn't jump in, I just slid down some stairs and couldn't get back to them. It's almost scary to think how easily I almost drowned.
Then last week I was out again with friends. I was on my way to Charing Cross at around 3 in the morning when a boy stopped me and asked if he could walk with me. I think his name was Amadeo, or something like that. Amadeo is what Marius calls Armand in the Vampire Chronicles, which is rather strange. We talked about life and he told me he liked my style and he was dressed exactly how I'd like a boy to dress, he had leopard print creepers and long brown curly hair and a thick spanish accent, I swear I fell in love for the night. We kissed a little bit when we said goodbye and that was it really. He was so perfect, he was like exactly how I'd want the character Armand to be in real life, when I told my mom she thought I'd imagined him, hah.
I don't know, just little things, I'll come down from my room and the TV will be on playing some old vampire movie on a channel I didn't leave it on. I do sound a bit weird, idk. I'm taking it all way too seriously.
It makes me slightly miserable to think we could live in a world where things like vampires don't exist. I remember feeling this way when I reread the chronicles of Narnia and I realised I'd never go to Narnia.
I just need some sort of proof that the world isn't as boring as it seems.
I'm rambling now.